Self Imprisonment

This morning, I dreamed I was living in a large city. I was in this cramped and crowded apt. building. It was tough squeezing past all of the bodies of the people standing in the narrow hallways. At some point, two people grabbed me and dragged me away. I found myself in a prison. It was homemade, as if some one had converted their apartment into a cage. It was several stories above the street level. Somehow, I'd found out that a close friend of mine was being held in similar confinement in an apt. above me. I Looked all around for a way to escape. I realized that the screws holding the bars into the walls were not tightened at all. I could simply loosen them with my fingers. I thought it was odd, but knew it was my way out. I just had to wait for the right time to slip out when no one would notice.

While looking out the window to the busy street below, I noticed my friend (who was supposedly captured above me) was walking around on the street. I wondered how he had managed to escape. I tried to call out to warn him. He didn't hear, but he didn't seem nervous either. Later on, They put a girl in the prison along with me. I was ready to escape, but was hesitant to leave her behind. I realized I had to worry about myself and could not allow myself to be trapped in the bad situation.

I woke up and contemplated it a bit. I realized that the prison was self-made. That I knew I could escape from it, but hesitated. Maybe because I was uncertain of what would happen to me if I made it out? Maybe I was just comfortable where I was? In the dream, the prison was not really capable of keeping me in, except for that I decided to wait there. I could have easily let myself out, so it was only me holding myself back.

Tired

Tonight I am just tired. This past month has been a mixture of good and bad stresses. I am excited of the possibility of traveling all over the country, I like the added responsibility of handling multiple tasks at a time. Honestly, I haven't had a chance to get excited or nervous about this upcoming interview. I keep telling myself I will make the difficult decisions when they are in front of me. When the materialize, it is not worth pondering vaporous prospects. Certainly, my decisions in the near future will impact my life.

Lately, I feel like everything I touch falls to pieces. I have two cars that don't run right now. I realize the accident was not my fault. But my Mini isn't exactly tip-top now is it? Is it because I don't take care of my possessions. Partly. Jennr is limping around the house, shitting on the floor. Will screaming and yelling help the situation. It could. I just never take the initiative to solve the problem. Is it worth expending the energy? Maybe thats why I find myself in the same situations. My unstirable apathy. What does it take to get me to care? I haven't found it yet. I am completely the opposite when it comes to my career. I have no hesitation speaking up and interjecting my opinion. I don't mind taking charge in order to correct a problem. Then again, I could inspect the Mini everyday, bumper to bumper. Could I keep it from breaking down? Not always. It does not mean that I can control the fates.